The Cranking Widgets Blog

Like watching surgeons do their thing? You can watch a lot closer with a Surgical Technician degree.

Some of you may remember the moderately popular Law & Order Drinking Game from a few months back. Sitting around with my wife coming up with marginally esoteric (yet regular enough to work) was a complete blast. And since House is just about on equal footing with Law & Order in terms of “must-see” shows, it only made sense to try our hands at a similar game.

For those who have never seen the show, here’s the one sentence synopsis: Greg House is a holy-crap-awesome doctor who is a whiz at diagnosing strange diseases and conditions, but also a total dick who treats everybody like crap. With me? Ok, let’s do it…

Note – The game works exactly the same way as the previous game – when any of the events in the following list happen, players take a drink (whatever inflates your date). It’s been designed in such a way as to allow players to get “loose” over the course of a single show, but not to be throwing up within the first 20 minutes.

• House mentions Dr. Cuddy’s physique or undergarments – Any regular viewer of the show will be familiar with House’s regular (and largely inappropriate) one-sided sexual banter with/about Dr. Cuddy. Expect these particular types of comments once every couple of episodes. Bonus points if he’s actually speaking to Dr. Cuddy when he does it.
• Palpable sexual tension between Dr. Cameron and House – Much less overt than the previous entry are Dr. Cameron’s mostly unrequited romantic interest in House. These will sometimes come to a head, but most of the time it will just be a longing glance on the part of Dr. Cameron. Swig away on this one once every 2-3 episodes or so.
• House says, to any member of his staff, “You Idiot“ – Obviously, House abusing his staff is hardly irregular. We’re looking for these specific words here, so you keep your ears perked up because this happens probably once per episode, perhaps every 2 episodes.
• House hoodwinks Wilson into giving him food – The friendship between House and Dr. Wilson is tumultuous at best, with House often taking advantage of Wilson’s generally giving spirit. One of the funnier ways this transpires is in the form of House stealing food from Wilson or getting him to buy it for him (which he doesn’t realize until it’s too late).
• House is caught eating alone while watching television in an emtpy hospital room This one is pretty self-explanatory (and generally very funny). Bonus if there’s a comatose patient in the room with him.
• House stops his mindless activity and comes to a realization – You can pretty much count on this once per episode; House will be absent-mindedly tossing a tennis ball or spinning a coin, quietly contemplating the case at hand. At some point, he will stop right in the middle of this activity, ostensibly having thought of a solution to “the problem”. Only take a half a drink if he does this while talking to somebody.
• House gives a directive to his staff that is medically irresponsible and/or dangerous – These conversations typically go something like this: “Do a [some long, complicatedly-named medical test/procedure].” “But House, it could kill him!” “Do it.”. Down the hatch!
• “Do an LP” – This one is included mostly as a “gimme”. House routinely instructs his staff to do an LP (Lumbar Puncture, also known as a spinal tap), so it deserves a drink.
• “I have no idea [what's wrong]“ – Usually precedes, but about 10 minutes or so, the aforementioned “realization”. As a more visible symptom of the formulaic nature of most of the plots of House episodes, this one generally occurs about 2/3 of the way through the show.
• The Close Call – House and crew are about to peform a risky, invasive test that could very likely result in the patient’s death. At the last possible moment, somebody realizes it’s unneccessary and that the patient has a cold or something. Expect one of these per episode.
• “He’s/She’s Lying.” – Patients and their families routinely lie about drug use, exotic vacations or strange personal habits. House will point this out to either his staff or the person telling the fib. When he does, bottoms up.

May this game bring you a weekly night of giggly laughter

Cheers!

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