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A big part (perhaps the biggest part) of many peoples’ lives is being a parent. Some of you are probably seasoned parents, some new parents and some not even thinking about that sort of thing yet. Well, for the latter two groups, I have a few things you might like to know.
But first, you might be wondering what makes me the expert. Well, my son (pictured) is quickly approaching 2 years old (this July) and I get to watch him discover things and learn about the world first-hand. It’s seriously a blast, the most fun I’ve ever had. But it’s been my experience that every really fun activity involves some ground rules; a few things that will help you experience the fullness of enjoyment while participating in the activity. Parenting is no exception (save the bit about having to support them until they’re 18 or somesuch - you’d better ask Leo about that part) - and here are a few of the things I’ve picked up along my merry path, and I think you’ll find them useful.
Disclaimer: Obviously I don’t live with every toddler in the world, so some of these tidbits might not be universally true. If nothing else, hopefully it’ll make for an entertaining read…
- They hide stuff - And it’s usually your stuff. Not 30 minutes ago, I was tearing my house upside down looking for my tape measure. I looked everywhere it might be and a few places it couldn’t possibly be - all to no avail. Then I recalled that my son had been playing with it in recent days. Sadly, it’s still missing - but I’m pretty sure a quick once-over in his room will yield what I’m looking for. And if you think I’m unfairly blaming him for something he may not have done, I’d be happy to tell you about the myriad of kitchen utensils I’ve found in the dresser drawers and toys of his I’ve noticed in the trash. Trust me on this one.
- They like to hear exactly the same sound/song over and over (and over…) - Back when he was about a year old, somebody we know (I don’t exactly recall who, but once I figure it out, I’ll be hunting them down soon to “repay the favor”) gave my son a stuffed frog toy. This toy makes all sorts of interesting noises, sings songs, etc. My son, in his ingenuity, has mastered the art of pressing the on/off switch so rapidly that he’s able to produce an incessant stream of “Hello!Goodbye!” that has been known to continue for minutes at a time. And if you’ve never watched a man’s hair turn gray right before your eyes, I invite you to tag along next time we take a put down to the local Piggly Wiggly and see for yourself.
- They have no sense of fear (for their own safety) - Anybody who has been around small kids with any regularity has probably witnessed them grabbing for a hot pan on the stove or hauling ass directly into traffic. I’m here to personally attest to the idea that this trait pervades most (if not all) of toddlerdom. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve found my son teetering on the brink of destruction standing on the armrest of the couch or just taking off in some random direction, waving his arms and laughing hysterically.
- Unless you’re Lance frickin’ Armstrong, they can run longer than you can - I’ll admit, I’m pretty out of shape. I hardly exercise and eat what most would consider a passably healthy diet. But I’m easily 15 pounds overweight and I get winded pretty easily. Having said all that, my son has the energy of Tony Little midway through a weekend crank binge and can go and go and go. I’m pretty sure this is the case for most toddlers, so make sure you get on the StairMaster like you’ve been talking about before you end up like me.
- They know (and understand) way more than you think - Sure, they may not be able to tie their own shoes or walk more than a few steps without losing their balance and falling flat on their keister, but make no mistake - they know what’s up. Gone are the days when I could simply put my keys in my pocket and my son would forget all about them and move on to something else. Now, he just points at my pocket and says insistently “keys!”. Or if he asks for a cookie or something and I tell him that maybe we can have one after dinner, what do you think is the first thing he asks after dinner? Correct - “cookie!”. Believe me, they’re not stupid and they’re watching you and remembering everything you say. Think of them as your own private CIA.
Do you, dear readers, have anything to add? I’m hardly the world’s foremost expert on this stuff, and I’d love to hear what you nice folks have to say on the subject.
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12 Responses to “5 Things You Need to Know About Having a Toddler”
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Everytime I read something like this, I have the same thought: “and people ask why I _don’t_ want children?
Oh but you DO want children!! Because when everything is said and done, nothing beats a “Daddy?” [wait for some kinds of acknowledgment] “I love you!” at a random moment during the day…
And Brett - check the fridge. I’ll bet your tape measure is in there.
I totally agree with Scott. There are those moments of “What did I get myself into!” But there are also those priceless moments that affirm the work you are doing as a parent.
Hiding things is brutal! We will regularly find dog toys and matchbox cars behind the TV.
Hey there, great post. Cute kid.
As a newbie - my son is almost (only?) eight months old - I can already attest to items 2, 3 and 5.
Yeah, it starts that soon.
BTW, I really enjoy reading your blog.
I still remember when my toddler took my driver’s license and credit cards out of my wallet and hid them inside a potholder I didn’t know I had. It took months to find them.
An anecdote, and some additions:
I finally got around to selling the crib the other day, to a nice young guy who said the baby was his first. He was obviously a little terrified by the sudden reality of it all. I gave him a little pep talk–really weirded out by listening to myself sound like my dad did when he was a coach–and told him the wisdom I’d gained as the father of a three- and five-year-old: they’re not as breakable as you think, and no one’s raised a perfect one yet, and you won’t either. Oh, and I said it was the most fun I’d ever had, even though ten years ago I was in the “don’t want kids” camp.
The additions:
* They learn first and best from you. This goes for everything from words to habits to how you react to setbacks. I’m not saying never say “damn”–though, funny story, despite my Marine mouth and its colorfulness, the first time my daughter said “shit”, she was copying my wife; oh, for the want of a video camera!–but also let them see you acknowledge that daddy shouldn’t say that so much/in church/in anger.
* Make them a part of your good behavior and choices, too. We’re not big candy people (well, except for Reese Peanut Butter Cups and SweeTarts, but we keep those out of the house except around Halloween), so we limit consumption and eat and abstain along with the kids. The kids pick the vegetables we have with dinner most of the time, and thankfully they eat them.
* Sometimes you just have to take something out of reach. My son, 3, is pretty mechanically adept. So much so that he can get into just about everything, and we’ve been reduced to removing videotapes, drugs, knives, etc. not just to high places (he’s a crackerjack climber, too), but to places where he can’t climb and can’t reach. That and he apparently has no sense of taste, or one that doesn’t respond to anything I would recognize–he drank some liquid bandage stuff that’s about half clove oil, and I gag when it’s in the same room. He just doesn’t get that it’s not a good idea, and beating him severely seems so last century, so we just had to relocate everything.
I was laughing and crying at the same time bacause that is exactly what my toddler is doing. She is 14 months old and is helpful and a handful at the same time.
Thanks for a great site.
Hi, just found your site.
Well, I am dreading dealing with things like this. My daughter is only six months old, so she is not very mobile yet, but I am not looking forward to the time she starts handling things…
One things which I have found: dogs help. We have two of them, and whenever they are around she gets so fascinated with them that she forgets about other mischief she can get up to.
@Nenad-
I can understand your apprehension. But, despite all the trouble they cause when they start walking (and running), they also become exponentially more fun to be around. You really start getting a sense of their personality, and they’ll keep surprising you with what they come up with (once they start kinda talking).
Best of luck
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